Children at Play

What is Play?

Play is the work of children and if we are going to understand children , we must first understand their play and the purposes for it. What is play? One would assume that everyone knows what play is. However, play is much more than sitting down with toys to pass the time. All children are born with the innate urge to learn through exploration. Older children would define play as something you do with friends. Younger children, such as preschoolers and toddlers would simply define play as whatever you or they choose to do. Essentially, play involves anything that does not involve sleeping or activities that are directed by adults.

Play is actually doing rather than watching. It is a process that involves all of the child’s senses: touching, feeling, hearing, seeing, and sometimes smelling—all of which stimulate development. Choices and possibilities are offered along with different ways to explore the world and problem solve. The child follows his own imagination and direction, such as playing with blocks, trucks, balls, or a board game.

Play Changes With Development

In infancy, children will interact with their parents and caregivers. However, as they develop into toddlers and preschoolers, they will begin what is called “parallel play”. In parallel play, children play in the same room but not together. Later, preschoolers will learn how to play cooperatively.

As children grow, their play will become more organized. They will act out familiar scenarios, such as “house”, “school”, and “cops and robbers” or pretend to be super-heroes. As time goes on, they prefer to play with increasingly elaborate rules, such as team sports or board games.

Children play differently with styles varying dependant upon natural changes as they grow. However, play is central to their healthy emotional and physical growth. Adults may not realize it, but most children play most of the time. Adults play too—our toys have just changed and become more elaborate. Life devoid of play would be joyless.

 
Importance of Play

While play is fun for the child, it has a very serious and important role. Play is the child’s way of connecting with the world. It is the way children experiment, learn about the world, and learn to communication.

Play is the foundation of everything that comes later. There are three main functions of play: 1. Play develops confidence and mastery of the world and surroundings 2. Play fosters close emotional bonds with family, caregivers, and friends 3. Play helps children recover from emotional distress.

Children who are successful at playing both independently and cooperatively tend to develop into happier, better adjusted adults. However, a child who is robbed of not only a childhood but of proper developmental growth and will suffer difficulties later in life.

Children who are unable to play are typically in emotional pain. Ironically, children will also often communicate emotional difficulties via play rather than words. Play therapy is a wonderful tool that therapists will integrate into their sessions with children.

Mastery and Confidence Building

Children have few opportunities to exercise power in their lives like they do in play. When playing, children are able to direct themselves, decide what to play, when to play, and also assign roles (often to the adults who boss them around all day). They are able to exercise the power of self-determination.

It is very important to note that when children get to be the boss in role playing, it provides them with a sense of mastery of the world around them. They also get to practice new roles, though the same story may be acted out.

Everyday play is vital to the development of mastery, especially in younger children. Mastery can take place when a child is permitted to test his abilities without being permitted to become overwhelmed. However parents should also try to limit how much they try to protect their child from all necessary developmental frustrations. A child who has a parent who steps in too much when he is frustrated will become unsure of himself and his coping skills may become underdeveloped. He will become anxious in the face of even minor trials and tribulations. This is the prime time to allow some trial and error so that self esteem is developed.  When left to their own devices, children can make things happen when they play which will aid them in experiencing feelings of power, confidence, and competence.

While older children’s activities are more sophisticated, the fundamentals remain the same. They also experience confidence and mastery through play. Further, the older child will learn self-advocacy and negotiation skills when playing with peers.

The Importance of Emotional Bonding Through Play

Play, like any activity, can foster close emotional bonds between parent and child. Younger children will tend to play and bond with their mother and father or other caregivers. This is why playing with your infant is so crucial.

School age children tend to bond with their friends through play. This helps negotiate the new terrain of friendships and builds emotional closeness with peers at school. This is especially important as school age children begin to separate from their parents and become individuals.

If children are not playing, chances are they are not relating well to the adults in their life or there is a problem relating to peers at school. At school—whether the situation is the result of the child or classmates, there is a legitimate cause for concern because this is the time and way he should be learning to relate to others. The child’s parents should intervene.

You cannot be a loving, involved parent without playing often with your children. This is the avenue for parents to learn about the emotional world of their children in a lighthearted, caring manner. Further, it shows your children you have an interest in them and makes for a happier home life.

Emotional Recovery Through Play

Children who are suffering from emotional traumas—as small as a broken doll and as big as a divorce in the family—will benefit greatly from simple playing. Adults work out their stress and emotional injuries in many ways, but most often by talking it out with friends. Children do not have the developmental capability to always express verbally how they are feeling and therefore do not have this option. Even teenagers find it difficult to discuss emotional hurts.


However, God has built in a wonderful coping mechanism for children. They have the ability to recover from emotional pain through play, with older children using play as an opening to learn how to talk about their feelings. Some children learn to overcome emotional difficulties by playing it out just as adults do by talking it out.

        Example 1:

Five year old Jessica loses her grandfather in a tragic accident. After the funeral service, Jessica’s mom oversees   Jessica reenacting the funeral service with her dolls. This is Jessica’s way of processing what has happened and dealing with her feelings.

        Example 2:

 Three year old David overhears his parents arguing loudly. He acts out a similar situation with his toy soldiers but in his version there is a happier ending.

A child may encounter insurmountable challenges in living but by playing them out in the way he chooses, he may be able to cope with them step by step. This way of processing is an unconscious and natural way of coping and healing. Generally, unless it seems harmful to the child, parents should not be alarmed.

Repercussions of Parents Controlling Play & The Overscheduled Child

There is a definitive lack of child-driven independent play in today’s society. What a child chooses to play at is motivated by inner processes, desires, problems, and anxieties. Many parents are bent toward controlling how their child plays. They tend to tell him how and when to use a toy. This causes the child’s development and interest to wane because the project has become the parents instead of the child’s.

Another challenge for today’s children is that sufficient leisure time for self-driven play has been discouraged by mass-produced entertainment, which drives out inner creativity and richness. Time for free play has been reduced to make room for more academics and after school activities. In fact, even schools are reducing recess periods.

I have seen the effects of packed schedules on children. Overscheduled children feel less connected and less in control of their lives. This leads to emotional distress, less family time, and is ultimately detrimental to both the child and the family life. One thing to note is that when a child has a highly packed schedule, it is usually adult driven.

Many highly scheduled children are very successful and are thriving. However they are reacting to the associated pressures with anxiety and other signs of increased stress. Further, the overscheduled child has less free time for child-driven play which is proven to be protective against the effects of pressure and stress. We have created small stressful children who do not know how to handle this stress.

Benefits of Play

There are many benefits to play—free play allows children to use and develop creativity, dexterity, imagination,  and physical, cognitive, and emotional strength. If a child begins complaining “I’m bored”, she may need more time for unstructured play so that she can develop and use these abilities. Educational professionals, medical professionals, and professional caregivers agree that it is very important for brain development.

It is important to note that you want to avoid passive play as much as possible because it does not hold the same benefits. Passive play includes anything involving the television, video games, computers, or toys that do all the work for the child (such as electronic toys). For the sake of our children, it is time we get back encouraging our children to be more active, creative, and—quite simply—children who enjoy being children.